My Story

My journey as Helena in this lifetime began in Kazakhstan, where I was born into a German-Russian family. When the Soviet Union fell apart and the Berlin Wall fell, my family "returned" to Germany, to the land of our ancestors. Hoping for a better life.

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I was a quite sensitive child, almost invisible, as my mother once told me. I felt most at peace in nature and with animals. From early on I carried the feeling of not belonging, not being enough, and not being allowed to be seen.

I was an expert at unconsciously absorbing the energy of my environment and blending in.

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I always felt an indescribable heaviness.

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Only much later did I find out that

I carried too much

The heaviness of my lineage. The trauma of my ancestors.

The depression of my parents, the fears of my grandparents.

The grief and trauma of past lives.

All this heaviness in my system turned me into a depressed child, afraid of life, afraid to embrace joy, afraid to be really seen.

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Disconnected from what my soul wanted to be.

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My journey is a quite one, not many explosions but a lot of intense inner turmoil. At some point in my childhood, I turned all those emotions off. I became numb. I fled into maladaptive daydreaming, to escape my reality.

It was the only way I could cope with the loneliness and disconnection I felt.

My dreams felt safer and more nourishing than reality.

In my late 20s, I reached a point where all motivation was gone. There was no joy.

Although it was the darkest phase of my life, it was also the moment a light switched on within me.

The desire for change, for healing, to feel alive, awakened.

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A soul urge to remember who I am!

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It was the beginning of my healing journey, as well as my awakening.

In the years to follow, I worked with different healers, concepts and modalities to come back home to myself. Inner child work, shadow work, energy healing, past life clearing, and much more.

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My healing path wasn't linear but a spiral, as within so without, ascent and descent, claiming the shadow and seeing my light.

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Every time I deepened the connection to myself, I learned more of the wisdom and strength that I carried. That my home was my body, that the connection that I craved was the connection to my own source light within, and that the only guidance that I needed came, from my heart and my womb.

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I realized that I am my own guide and healer. And everything outside of me is just a reflection of that!

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Remembering who I am also brought the remembrance of my soul's purpose back.